Last week I was talking to a girlfriend about an important decision she’d made recently. I was so proud of her for following her gut instinct. She had made a choice a few months go, tried it out, and over the following months something just didn’t feel right (hello: instinct) and so she changed her mind.
Awesome Girl, I say!
It sounds so simple doesn’t it.. Changing our minds. But often we are so consumed with outside influences – what’s supposedly right and wrong, what we believe people will think of our choice and what our choice says about us and the person we wish to be seen as – that it can be really confronting to challenge that noise and just follow our gut.
In my teens, and much of my twenties, boy did I beat myself up. I would judge & compare myself daily because I wasn’t academic and career orientated – like I should have been. I wasted my time & money living overseas, instead of setting myself up financially – like I should have been. I wasn’t fit or healthy enough – like I should have been.
I created those ‘shoulds’ – no one else.
And if I made a decision and then changed my mind… I would almost have a nervous melt down worrying about what people would think of me.
It was actually something that consumed a hell of a lot of my mind back then.
From buying a top, to changing jobs, to packing up and heading overseas, to going on a date. How would I be perceived, what would people think, what did my choice say about me…
Urgh. It’s giving me a headache just reliving those thoughts!
Over the last few years I have worked religiously and consciously on kicking my ‘what-people-think-of-me’ crap to the curb. Here is what I know:
When we stop worrying about what other people think, or what ‘we think’ they are thinking, we then open up the space for more positive energy in our bodies. This helps us to listen and feel our own power and intuition (our real truth) and therefore trust ourselves more and more and this equals being much happier.
When we are concerned or anxious about what other people think, we inhibit the flow of our own intuition. We all have access to our own inner guidance system (or ING as Gabrielle Bernstein calls it), which is 100% accurate for us. Making decisions based on what other people believe means we aren’t trusting of our own innate ability to know what is right or wrong for us and therefore we are effectively handing our power over to someone else. Yuck!
When we don’t follow our own gut things just don’t flow, mistakes happen, we don’t feel good – life just gets all wrong and clunky.
Byron Katie, author of an amazingly powerful book and concept called The Work say’s it beautifully here:
“There are only three kinds of business in the universe: mine, yours, and God’s. Whose business is it if an earthquake happens? God’s business. Whose business is it if your neighbor down the street has an ugly lawn? Your neighbor’s business. Whose business is it if ‘you’ are angry at your neighbor down the street because he has an ugly lawn? Your business. Life is simple—it is internal.”
We needn’t be concerned with what other people think, how they feel, or what they do. Even if we believe they are thinking bad thoughts about us… That is actually their business. Their issue. Not ours. When we spend too much time in other peoples business (their drama, feelings and thoughts), we are not in our own business & living our own life.
What I have found is that at the root of all our comparison-itis thoughts and feelings there is one single negative belief. It is so simple, and yet so poignant. It’s a false idea deep down that filters invisibly through our lives so much so that we believe, subconsciously, it must be true. That is, most of us, on some level, believe:
“I am not enough.”
It is this belief that cheers our ego on to compare our looks, skills, values, finances, fashion sense, travel adventures, academic endeavors, spirituality, flexibility… the list can go on. When we believe that we are not enough, on some level in some areas of our lives, our brain will continue to seek out reasons to keep proving this belief – hello comparison-itis! This is not just spirituality, this is psychology. This is how our intricate brain works.
When we are in this mode it can be difficult to trust our own thoughts, ideas and feelings because we are looking outside of ourselves for the answers instead of inside ourselves.
On the flip side when we begin to believe that we ARE ENOUGH (and for most of us this takes work), others ideas and ways of being, thoughts about things are void. All that is important is that you feel good about yourself, your choices and way of life. And when we make our choices from that space, life is in the flow, the right opportunities arise, the right people come forth, life is simply a lot easier and less conflicted.
Here are three things to help you erase that false belief that “I am not enough”:
△ Start affirming that you ARE ENOUGH. You can put post-it notes up around your computer, your shower (that’s where mine are), in your bathroom or on the toilet door, on the fridge or in the car. Just keep reminding yourself that you ARE enough. A great affirmation to try is:
“I love myself exactly as I am. I am whole and healed. I am enough. I am perfect.”
Doing affirmations daily helps to create new neural pathways in our brain, once you begin to form a habit (new thought), this is the thought your brain will begin to reach for instead of the old outdated belief and therefore begin to prove that You Are Enough. Booya!
△ Use this Kinesiology technique that my good friend Michelle Lowbridge created to use at home. It is simple and I can assure you it works (you’ll see my comment on her page about my experience). This helps to smash those old outdated beliefs.
△ Be compassionate and understanding of yourself and others. When we compare ourselves we are purely projecting our fears, doubts, judgements, and our ‘I am not enough-ness” on ourselves or others. Understand that it’s human nature (albeit a strange one) to validate your own experience or choice by judging someone else’s experience. If you catch yourself doing it, compassionately stop yourself and then send love to yourself and the other person. Equally if you hear others doing the same, try not to judge, just be compassionate and send love knowing they are exactly where they need to be right now.
So, what do you think? Do you know that “I am not enough” feeling?
Maybe it’s at work, maybe its in your relationships. It might not sound exactly like “I am not enough” maybe its more like “I wish I was smarter” or “Why is she so much fitter than me?” or feel jealous of someone else for something they have type of person they are..
Whatever it is I can assure you it all comes down to the same simple phrase: I am not enough.
The thing is – it’s a big fat lie!
YOU ARE ENOUGH you gorgeous thing! That is the Truth! Once you get that into your noggin, life will flow with much more ease. I promise.
Remember, as a life coach, this is what I do. I help you smash these outdated beliefs and create new more authentic ones. If you need help and feel called to give me a shout contact me here. I’m booked out for this month (so grateful and loved-up about that!), but have spots open for October – so let’s get started! xoxo
Love and Light,
Also if you’re keen to get your Zen on! Check out the new meditation series (here) which begins on October 5 in Yarraville. Its going to be awesome and we’d love to see you there!