Ever felt that ‘pang’ of jealousy?!
Of course you have, we all have.. right?! It’s a horrible feeling. It makes us feel small & not enough.
Well, I felt it last week.
I was so annoyed with myself, as this type of feeling is not my reality any more. In fact, when it stabbed me in the stomach I consciously thought – wowza, I haven’t felt that feeling for a LONG time.
I used to feel it a lot. In a big way in fact. It was almost a daily occurrence for me. And it sucked. It was joy sapping and only served as a way to attract more situations where I felt jealous. The Law of Attraction was working it’s manifesting magnificence.
Late last week, I saw a Facebook post about someone getting a really cool job. And, my first gut feeling was ‘oh cool – how awesome for her!!’… however, my complex brain/ego quickly went south to full blown comparison-itis and how ‘I wasn’t that successful’ and comparing myself and my life against other things on her ‘highlight reel’ – aka Facebook newsfeed.
Honestly, it didn’t feel great. I actually felt really ashamed, even amidst that gut wrenching feeling. Because the essence of me was excited for this person, but my ego wouldn’t allow me to fully ‘be’ that joy for her.
Throughout the day I sat with that icky feeling and, as always when I allow myself to truly feel my feelings and consciously dig to see what is really going on, I was able to see the gift. And it was a fruitful gift she unconsciously offered up too! Three cool things came my way…
(1) Life is a mirror, baby!
I was driving in my car later in the afternoon talking to myself like I would a client, (everyone does that, right?!), and really trying to understand what this ‘feeling’ was about, as I wanted it gone and I wasn’t in a rush to feel it again.
So, what did this feeling bring up for me?
Firstly, was it my: “I am not enough-ness” core belief coming up to remind me I still have work to do?
Or secondly, was it bringing up thoughts about myself – that I have been wasting time, feeling creatively on pause and therefore not doing my work to “become successful” and thrive (like, I perceived this girl was).
I bounced these topics around from many angles, asking ‘why’ many times to see how deep I could get with them. But, both came back positive.
This situation brought up both those feelings of not enough-ness AND frustration with myself for knowing my fullness and my potential, and yet sabotaging myself into NOT realising it.
Ohh inner work, how you do like to keep me moving forward.
Immediate remedy: Bach flower essences, Reiki, meditation & brainstorming.
I mixed up a combo essence mix of: Larch – To help restore my confidence in my innate abilities and gifts. Hornbeam – To aid in mental strength, to help with procrastination and to ward of sabotaging myself in relation to getting work done. Crab Apple – To boost my self-image. Meditation: I’ll use meditation at night to ‘get out of my head’ where my ego resides and commune more with my highest self – this is where the truth is! Reiki: I’ll practice self-healing this week and focus on my stomach area (solar plexus) & Brainstorming.. see below.
(2) 5 minute power-packed brainstorming sesh!
After nutting this out a little, I thought “ok so what do I want my success to be, feel and look like”. What does my brand of success look like?
Firstly, If I’m really honest, success to me IS NOT working for someone else – totally cool and awesome if that resonates with you, but it’s not my thing (at this time in my life at least).
So while those pangs of “Oh man, maybe if I’d stuck out all those PR and journalism jobs (that I hated and that literally made me unwell) maaaaybe I could be doing something like this girl..” felt very real. If I was honest, was the context really the truth for me?
In short, no. It wasn’t about the cool job, it was about my ‘perception’ of this girls highlight reel – which was she had ‘made it’. And when I dug a bit deeper, I found that this was really based on my teenager self and her idea of what ‘made it’ looked like. Kinda out dates now.. don’t you think?!
So, what did my idea of success feel and look like now?
+ Full time mother + Being of service through my work + a great communicator + Part time coach/mentor & Reiki Practitioner + Workshop facilitator + Creatively expressing myself through blogs, vlogs and other forms of communication + A financially sustainable & thriving business + Living a coastal life with my family + Feeling healthy; inside and out + My body & mind being strong and able.
Success was starting to look and feel pretty sweet, and ALOT more authentic to me.
I then sat and literally poured out a full page of ideas that linked to my passion, business and life purpose. It only took about 5 minutes.. it was all there, excitedly waiting to be born. Waiting for the right moment.
(3) Finding my Gold
Interestingly enough those pangs-in-the-stomach-jealous feeling link back to my personal power, which is a third chakra or solar plexus issue. Something which has come up for me often in the last few months and something I’ve been exploring.
Our Solar Plexus is yellow/gold in colour and is located around the stomach area, between your breast area and your navel. It’s powerful centre. It is where we hold our feelings about our shining in the world, where our uniqueness and personal power is expressed, and our right to radiate your life’s purpose, which includes our ability to take inspired action to pursue our dreams.
My procrastination, time wasting and my core belief of “I am not enough” is related directly to this chakra.
This is where my meditation practice and personal Reiki healing will be focused over the next few weeks (maybe longer), while I continue to explore what other gold it has to offer me.
This girl, and her seemingly innocent FB message was the catalyst of me realising some really cool and exciting ways I want to grow as a person, offering me guidance about what ‘work’ I need to be doing in my personal healing journey and help me explore how I would like to see my business evolving and thriving. Thanks girl! Wow – what a gift indeed!
Jealousy, like any negative emotion, is really about looking inside.
When we view the world as a mirror to our soul & our minds we are able to detach from those gut-wrenching emotions and look within ourselves for the answers. The ‘why’ am I feeling this way becomes a whole lot clearer and the focus is now taken off others and back onto ourselves and where our work lies.
I would love to hear your thoughts about this blog either below, or over on my Facebook page. This unfolding has certainly been revealing for me!
Love to You,